Ideas are best when shared — this one first surfaced on October 5, 2025
6-minute read. It's worth the coffee break
If there’s one meeting that defines your success as a manager, it’s the one-on-one.
Too often, though, one-on-ones turn into status updates, project check-ins, or - worst of all - the first meeting to get canceled when things get busy. That’s a mistake.
When done right, one-on-ones are the most important hour of your week. They’re where trust is built, growth happens, and culture is shaped one conversation at a time.
Here’s how to run one-on-ones that actually matter - the kind your team will remember years from now.
A one-on-one isn’t a project meeting. It’s not for reviewing tasks or roadmaps.
It’s their time - not yours.
That means no Slack messages, no inbox glances, and no multitasking. Whether virtual or in person, give your undivided attention. The moment your team feels you’re distracted, they stop opening up.
The goal is simple: use this time to connect, listen, and help your team grow.
It’s about the human, not the output.
Before every meeting, I prepare with three simple but powerful questions:
Pro tip: Write your answers down before each session. Even if it’s five minutes of prep, it transforms the depth and quality of the conversation.
Even experienced managers fall into these traps - here’s how to avoid them.
When you cancel a one-on-one, you’re saying “you’re not a priority.”
Keep it sacred. If you absolutely have to move it, reschedule immediately - don’t skip it.
Project check-ins belong in team meetings or asynchronous reports.
Your one-on-one is for them - their growth, their goals, their challenges.
Closing Slack and Outlook isn’t optional. Your focus is the most powerful signal of respect you can give.
Managers love to solve problems - but sometimes your team just needs to be heard.
Ask questions before giving answers. When you do give advice, do it intentionally and briefly.
Each person is different. Some need motivation, some need calm, some need structure.
Adapt your approach to the person, not the process.
Kickstart your leadership journey with ready-to-use templates, meeting agendas, and conversation guides that make managing people simpler and more effective from day one.
I once had an employee ask for a raise. They weren’t performing well, so instead of dismissing it, I asked why.
After a few layers of questions, they admitted what they really wanted was happiness - not more money. What made them happy was time on the water: kayaking, boating, swimming.
So we built a plan. Every week, I’d ask if they’d gone out on the water. Over time, their happiness rose, their engagement improved, and - naturally - their performance followed.
Sometimes leadership isn’t about the problem they say they have, but the one they feel.
Another team member once said everything was “fine,” but I could tell something was off.
When I pressed gently, they admitted to feeling overwhelmed - constantly switching between five work streams a day.
We worked on time boxing - dedicating blocks of time to each area. Within weeks, they had clarity, control, and calm.
The lesson?
The best managers listen between the lines and help people find their own rhythm.
A young employee wanted to buy a house but had no savings plan.
We unpacked why they wanted it - it was about freedom and self-reliance, not square footage.
So we built a system: save a small amount weekly, cut spending that didn’t align with their goal, use safe investment vehicles. Months later, they were well on their way - and more motivated than ever.
That’s what one-on-ones do: connect personal purpose to professional growth.
There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. Every person you manage needs something different.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
And sometimes, your “advice monster” will want to jump in. That’s normal. The trick is knowing when to quiet it - and when to let it speak.
Leadership is situational. The best one-on-ones are shaped around what the person needs that day.
You know you’ve had a great one-on-one when you get goosebumps.
When something clicks.
When you see someone understand themselves better - or believe in themselves just a little more.
Those are the moments that matter most. The small, quiet, one-hour blocks where growth happens in real time.
Here’s your playbook to make every one-on-one count:
Make these meetings consistent, and you’ll see stronger engagement, trust, and performance across your entire team.
For me, one-on-ones are the most fulfilling part of leadership.
They’re where I see people grow, evolve, and sometimes completely transform their confidence and careers.
They’re also where leaders grow. You become better by listening, by reflecting, and by realizing that leadership isn’t about you. It’s about helping others reach their potential - one conversation at a time.
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